I married into a Persian family. Here’s what nobody warned me about.
From New Year in Newcastle in March to Halloween with a fruit bowl, this is what happens when British and Persian family traditions meet.
There are things nobody tells you about marrying into a Persian family. For one, admiring something in someone’s house can result in them offering it to you. Saying no to another helping of rice doesn’t mean you won’t get another big scoop landing on your plate. And if there’s the celebrations, you’d better make sure you’ve got room in the fridge for everything.
I didn’t grow up Persian. I married into it.
I’m British, H is Persian and our son, Cyrus, is growing up with a bit of both. We celebrate Christmas and Nowruz, listen to Persian music, then Pink and Ed Sheeran, and have family conversations that sometimes need a bit of translation. Our house is in Newcastle upon Tyne, but our hearts are in Iran.
Over the years, I’ve learnt about Persian customs, cooked dishes I couldn’t once pronounce and discovered that some traditions travel better than others. Jumping over fire, for example, requires a little more explanation in a British neighbourhood.
This is where I write about that side of our family life. The food, the celebrations, the language and the things that make perfect sense to H but occasionally leave me scratching my head.
I’m no expert on Persian culture. I’m simply a British woman who married into it, came to love much of it and now wants Cyrus to know the stories behind the traditions we keep.
There’s no such thing as a quick goodbye.
Not when there’s another cup of tea to drink, more food to eat and several rounds of polite insistence before anyone gets near the front door. I’ve learnt to allow extra time.
First, you need to meet the family.
It started with a wedding. Then came the Persian family customs, the food, the language and eventually a little boy called Cyrus. Here’s how it all unfolded.
Why we had goldfish at our wedding
Roses, pomegranates and goldfish aren’t the first things that spring to mind when planning a British wedding. Ours had a distinctly Persian influence.
Why my Persian family calls children apples, hazelnuts and livers
Persian affection can sound rather peculiar when translated into English. And that’s before we get to the family nicknames.
We took Cyrus to meet the Cyrus Cylinder
Our visit to the British Museum turned into something rather more personal when we came face to face with a piece of history connected to our son’s name.
Finding our Persian people in Newcastle
When much of your family lives abroad, finding people who understand your customs and language can mean a great deal.
Persian traditions don’t always translate into British life.
Our family has had its share of cultural misunderstandings. There was the Halloween when we offered trick-or-treaters fruit instead of sweets, the Persian spring-cleaning ritual that involved considerably more effort than I’d anticipated, and the occasions when our neighbours must have wondered what on earth we were doing.
The Halloween when our Persian fruit bowl confused the trick-or-treaters
We thought offering fruit was a perfectly reasonable idea. The children arriving at our door, dressed as ghosts and vampires, had other expectations.
Persian spring cleaning makes my usual tidy-up look rather lazy
Before Nowruz comes khaneh tekani, the traditional Persian spring clean. It’s rather more thorough than my usual approach to the housework.
A Persian picnic in the North East. What could go wrong?
Persian tradition says head outdoors. The North East weather has other ideas. We go anyway, naturally.
Four Persian celebrations, one British weather forecast.
We celebrate Christmas, but that’s only half the story. There’s Persian New Year, Yalda, a fire festival and an annual picnic that invariably involves checking the weather.
Nowruz in Newcastle: spring is apparently optional
Nowruz marks the Persian New Year and the arrival of spring. There’s the Haft Sin table to prepare, sabzeh to grow, eggs to decorate and a house to clean. It’s a busy time, particularly when you’re also trying to explain the traditions to a child who has grown up in Britain.
Yalda: the longest night and an unreasonable amount of food
Yalda falls on the longest night of the year. It’s a time for family, poetry, pomegranates, watermelon and plenty to eat. Thankfully, it’s one Persian celebration that doesn’t require us to brave the Newcastle weather.
Explaining Persian fire traditions to the neighbours
Chaharshanbe Suri takes place just before Nowruz and is traditionally associated with fire, renewal and leaving the troubles of the old year behind. Celebrating it in Britain brings its own practical considerations.
Because apparently we’re having a picnic in the rain
On the thirteenth day of the Persian New Year, families traditionally head outdoors for Sizdah Bedar. We’ve celebrated in the North East with a picnic, a barbecue and the sort of weather that would send most sensible people home.
Why there’s always too much food in our house.
Before meeting H, I couldn’t have told you the difference between kotlet and lubia polo. Now they’re part of our family meals, along with a remarkable amount of rice.
Some recipes are straightforward enough for a weekday dinner. Others take more time, more washing-up and more patience than I always possess. Here are some of the dishes and food stories we’ve collected over the years.
The Persian kotlet recipe we keep coming back to
Comforting Persian patties that work just as well for a family lunch as they do for a quick dinner.
The Persian herb platter I discovered during pregnancy
Fresh herbs, Persian food and my experience of sabzi khordan during pregnancy. A personal food story rather than a remedy for morning sickness.
Why I started drinking saffron tea
A look at saffron tea, its place in Persian culture and why I became interested in it.
The Persian rice dish that always goes down well at ours
Lubia polo combines rice, green beans and plenty of flavour. A regular favourite in our kitchen.
Persian celery stew sounds unlikely. It’s worth trying.
Khoresht-e karafs is one of those dishes that deserves more attention than its English description might suggest.
The saffron rice pudding that turns up at Persian celebrations
Sholeh zard is golden, fragrant and a rather lovely way to finish a meal.
Why our son’s Persian heritage matters to us.
When we named our son Cyrus, I knew it wasn’t a direct translation of the Persian name, but it was easier for me to pronounce. I also loved its connection to ancient Persia and, rather conveniently, Greece, another country I’ve always loved.
As he’s grown older, I’ve wanted him to understand more about the history behind his name. Our visit to the Cyrus Cylinder at the British Museum was part of that.
Then there are the smaller things, such as Persian terms of endearment. I still find it amusing that calling a child your liver can be a perfectly affectionate thing to do.
Apples, livers and a few other terms of affection.
I didn’t know when I married H that I’d eventually have a son named after a Persian king, or that his relatives would affectionately refer to children as various items of food and human anatomy.
Then there’s Persian music, family sayings and the conversations that don’t always translate neatly into English. Some things are easier to understand once you’ve spent enough time around the family.
What does your family do that nobody else understands?
I sometimes wonder which Persian traditions Cyrus will keep when he’s older. Perhaps he’ll make a Haft Sin table every spring. Perhaps he’ll cook his dad’s favourite dishes. Or perhaps he’ll remember the year we went into the woods for Sizdah Bedar and got thoroughly soaked.
Whatever he chooses, I hope he’ll understand why we made the effort.
In the meantime, I’d love to know what happens in your family that other people find completely baffling. Ours can’t be the only household where saying you’re full is treated as the beginning of a negotiation.
Tell me in the comments. I’d love to hear your family stories.
A few more stories from our house.
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I write about family life, Persian traditions, midlife, fitness and the things that catch my attention. If that sounds like your sort of reading, you can get my occasional updates by email.