Why self-care matters more than ever after 40

Juggling the delicate balance of inner wellbeing and outer beauty has never been more challenging as a new mum over 40. With a constant influx of well-intentioned advice flooding every corner of the internet, the pressure to feel grateful for everything, be myself, and exude the confidence of a peacock is actually overwhelming – and would you believe, it’s only January!

I get it. But the struggle to be perfect is real and also unrealistic. For me, self-care is synonymous with discipline. It translates into completing the things I start and taking a moment of reflection before embarking on something else, contemplating the financial, time, and energy implications, as well as considering the potential negative impact on others if I don’t follow through.

It’s about setting boundaries, protecting free time and learning that saying no can be an act of self-care.

In a world buzzing with constant notifications and digital noise, I’ve found solace in unplugging lately from Facebook. Intentionally scheduling ‘Do-Nothing’ days, where my phone is off, alarms are silenced, and plans are non-existent, has been a game-changer. It’s been like giving myself permission to be without any obligations or pre-planning, allowing natural rejuvenation to take its course.

Self-care for me involves setting boundaries on screen time and moderating the amount of sugar I consume. It means instilling independence in Little C, opting for teaching over doing for him, even when the latter seems easier and causes less friction. It also entails enforcing consequences I set for him, even if it means temporary difficulty for me.

Whether it’s a few minutes of quiet time, a solitary walk in nature, or just losing myself in a journal, these rituals create a comforting space within me. A place to recharge despite the hustle and bustle of family life.

Self-care involves honouring commitments and being meticulous about the promises I make. It means adhering to my word, even when it’s challenging. Saying no to myself more often than yes, questioning whether my future self will appreciate my actions, and genuinely listening when the answer is, “No, your future self won’t appreciate this.”

Intentionally setting boundaries, not to distance myself from others but to protect my time and energy, has been liberating. It’s about confidently choosing what brings me happiness, embracing the ‘joy of missing out’ (JOMO), and letting go of the fear of missing out (FOMO).

Being protective of my free time doesn’t mean turning down every invitation. It means silencing my phone until breakfast, carving out that sacred hour daily in my calendar for me-time, and ensuring undisturbed focus. Prioritising what’s necessary over what’s enjoyable. Self-care aligns with discipline because that’s what feels uncomfortable, but pushing against those patterns instigates change.

The ‘joy of missing out’ has become a mantra. If staying in for a cosy night brings me more joy than a social event, I make that decision. JOMO allows me to follow my routine, snooze when I want, and enjoy extra cuddles at story time with Little C, all while saving a bit of cash.

Balancing the demands of motherhood while finding time for yourself can feel impossible. Carving out moments of self-care isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. Here are practical strategies to prioritise wellbeing even amidst a hectic schedule.

Self-care aligns with discipline because that’s what feels uncomfortable, but pushing against those patterns instigates change.

Occasional stories, experiments, discoveries and rabbit holes from Saffron & Cyrus.