How to get better sleep during perimenopause

It is really irritating being told to get eight hours of sleep when you’re a woman going through perimenopause. As though the thought hasn’t occurred to you. As though you’ve been staying awake deliberately, enjoying the opportunity to stare at the ceiling and reconsider every questionable decision you’ve made since 1993.

Believe me, I’d love eight hours. I’d settle for six without throwing the duvet across the bed or wondering why my legs have suddenly decided to audition for Riverdance. At 45, I’ve become friends with 3am. It’s the hour when my brain decides to revisit an awkward conversation, remember something I forgot to do three weeks ago or just contemplate whether I’ve packed everything Cyrus needs for nursery. Meanwhile, my husband, H, is beside me, although whether he’s actually sleeping is something else too.

And the advice? Good grief, the advice. Apparently, all I need is a consistent bedtime, a cool bedroom, no caffeine after lunch and a relaxing evening routine. Wonderful. Perhaps somebody could explain that to my hormones.

Perimenopause can begin years before periods stop, bringing night sweats, restless nights and changes that aren’t always obvious to the people around us.

One of the things I’m discovering is that you don’t have to reach menopause before your body starts behaving differently. Perimenopause, the transitional stage before periods stop all together, can kick in several years earlier. During this time, hormone levels fluctuate, and symptoms can include hot flushes, night sweats, changes in mood and disturbed sleep.

The average age of menopause in the UK is 51, which means I could have several more years of this hormonal uncertainty ahead of me. That’s a cheerful thought when I’ve already spent half the night kicking the duvet off me. What frustrates me is how little we seem to talk about the years leading up to menopause. We hear about hot flushes and the end of periods, but not about lying awake worrying, feeling exhausted the next morning or wondering why our concentration has deserted us.

Because I’m still having periods, there’s a temptation to dismiss everything as stress, getting older or just having too much on my plate. Perhaps some of it is, but I think women deserve to understand what’s happening to their bodies before they reach the point of complete exhaustion.

One of the more frustrating parts of perimenopause is trying to explain it to somebody who hasn’t the faintest idea what you’re going through. H is a case in point. He’ll tell me that I sleep better than he does, and the annoying thing is that he’s right. His sleep can be dreadful, and I know there are nights when he’s had even less rest than I have. But somehow that makes it harder to explain why I’m still exhausted. It’s difficult to complain about waking up at 3am when the person beside you has barely slept at all.

I don’t think he means to dismiss what I’m experiencing. From his point of view, if I’m getting more hours of sleep than he is, surely I should be feeling better. And I can see the logic, even if I want to throw a pillow at it. What he doesn’t necessarily understand is how different my sleep feels now. I might have slept for longer, but that doesn’t mean I’ve slept well. Between the night sweats, restless legs and the anxiety, I can wake up feeling as though I’ve spent the night doing something a lot more demanding than lying in bed.

It’s not a competition, although sometimes our bedroom feels like the venue for the World Championships of Who Slept Worst. He has plenty of reasons for being tired, and I have mine. I just wish there were an easier way of explaining that perimenopause isn’t just about how many hours you’ve managed to clock up. It’s about waking in a body that doesn’t always feel quite like the one you went to bed in, then trying to get on with an ordinary day as though nothing has happened. I don’t expect H to understand every hormonal fluctuation, but a little recognition that we’re dealing with different things would go a long way.

Somewhere along the way, sleep became another measure of how successfully we’re managing our lives. We have sleep trackers, expensive silk pillows, supplements, specialist teas and endless articles explaining how to create the perfect bedtime routine.

I’m not against any of it. I’ve tried quite a lot myself. But I do wonder whether we’ve turned something as basic as sleeping into another task women are supposed to master. We’re told to exercise, eat properly, manage stress, stay hydrated, limit caffeine and avoid screens before bed. Meanwhile, many of us are working, raising children, caring for ageing parents and trying to remember whether we put the washing in the machine yesterday or last Thursday.

By the time I finally get into bed, the last thing I need is a performance review, particularly one delivered by a watch telling me I’ve slept badly. Perimenopause adds another complication. Hormonal changes can affect sleep, while night sweats, anxiety and changes in mood can make a decent night’s rest difficult to achieve. It’s not always something that can be solved by buying better bedding or going to bed half an hour earlier.

And yet, when I mention that I’m exhausted, somebody inevitably suggests I try getting more sleep. I shall add that to the list, somewhere between winning the lottery and finding a morning when nobody loses a sock.

I’ve experienced nights when I wake up so hot that I wonder whether somebody has secretly switched the central heating on. It reminds me of the sauna at David Lloyd, except I’m wearing pyjamas, it’s the middle of the night and I haven’t voluntarily entered the room.

Then there are the restless legs. Just when I’m comfortable and ready to sleep, they begin their own little dance. Keeping still feels uncomfortable, moving doesn’t necessarily settle them, and it is increasingly irritating. I love the gym, especially a good Ignite Strike class that leaves me sweaty, exhausted and feeling as though I’ve taken on the world. But sometimes, when I’m lying awake hours later, I do wonder whether it’s perimenopause playing havoc with my sleep or the endorphins from Ignite Strike still kicking in.

After all, there’s nothing quite like spending an hour punching and kicking your way through a workout, only to discover that your body has decided the excitement should continue well past bedtime. Perhaps it’s the hormones, or it’s just the late-evening exercise, or a bit of both. Either way, I’d quite like somebody to tell my brain that the class finished hours ago.

There’s a big difference between getting up for the gym after a good night’s sleep and dragging yourself through the following day when you’ve spent half the night awake. On those mornings, everything requires more effort. Making breakfast for Cyrus feels complicated, and by mid-afternoon I can find myself reading the same email three times before I’ve properly understood what it says. Coffee helps with being awake, if not always the reality, but even I have to admit that another cappuccino cannot replace several missing hours of sleep.

It’s also difficult to explain to somebody who hasn’t experienced it. You don’t necessarily look ill. You might have done your hair, put on some make-up and arrived at work. Nobody sees you sitting on the edge of the bed at 3am, wondering whether it’s worth trying to sleep again.

Over the years, I’ve assembled a fairly respectable collection of things that are supposed to help me sleep. I’ve tried earlier bedtimes, warm baths, meditation apps, camomile tea and even cutting back on caffeine. I’ve experimented with breathing exercises and convinced myself that lying very still with my eyes closed must count as some form of rest.

I enjoy herbal tea in the evening. Chamomile and Pukka Night Time Berry Tea have both made appearances in my kitchen cupboard. I’ve considered valerian too, although herbal products aren’t automatically suitable for everyone, especially when taking medication.

Exercise helps me feel better physically and mentally, and a good workout can take the edge off a stressful day. But I’ve learned that exercising doesn’t guarantee a peaceful night and neither does drinking herbal tea, switching off my phone or following a carefully planned evening routine. Some things help occasionally. Others make no noticeable difference. I’ve learned not to assume that something working on Tuesday means it will work again on Wednesday.

And I think that’s where the usual advice falls short. A healthy lifestyle can support our wellbeing, but it isn’t a guarantee against menopausal symptoms. Sometimes we need more than another suggestion about what to eat or when to go to bed. We need somebody to listen, investigate what’s happening and discuss appropriate treatment.

Persistent sleep problems are worth discussing with a GP when they’re affecting everyday life. Restless legs can also have causes unrelated to menopause, including iron deficiency, so it’s important not to assume hormones are responsible for everything.

At 45, I’m not quite ready to accept that waking up exhausted, overheating beneath the duvet and having lengthy conversations with my own brain at 3am are things I have to put up with. So, I’ve decided to investigate what helps me sleep during perimenopause. Not what a glossy advert promises, but what makes a noticeable difference to an ordinary woman juggling work, motherhood, exercise and the occasional hormonal meltdown.

I’m interested in everything from cooling pillows and mattress toppers to bedding, herbal teas and products I haven’t yet considered. I’ll share what works for me, what doesn’t and whether something makes enough difference to earn a permanent place in our house. I’ll also pay attention to the less glamorous details, including how often I wake up, whether I’m overheating, how rested I feel in the morning and whether I can get through the nursery run without needing huge quantities of coffee.

Of course, this won’t be a scientific trial. I’m one woman, and perimenopause has a habit of changing the rules without consulting anybody. What works for me might not work for somebody else, and no pillow or cup of tea should be mistaken for medical treatment. But that’s the point of The Saffron Experiment. I want to find out what’s worth trying, what’s worth questioning and what doesn’t deserve another penny of my money.

And if I discover something that helps me get through the night without throwing the duvet across the bedroom, I’ll be telling you about it.

Five years after I first wrote about my sleepless nights, I’m still interested in what genuinely helps women sleep during perimenopause. I’ve come across research from Iran, explored different approaches to exercise and recovery, and found one magnesium product that I’ve personally found helpful.

I haven’t discovered a magical cure, and I remain suspicious of anything promising to transform my sleep overnight. But I’ve become much more interested in understanding the evidence behind the remedies women are encouraged to try.

Living with H has introduced me to plenty of Persian traditions involving food, tea and family approaches to wellbeing. In our household, a glass of Persian tea is rarely far away, and I’ve become increasingly interested in the remedies and traditions that families pass down through generations.

Of course, something being traditional doesn’t necessarily mean it’s effective. But I do think it’s worth asking whether some of these approaches have been properly investigated. That’s why a 2022 study involving 288 postmenopausal women in southeastern Iran caught my attention. Researchers found that 65.3% had used at least one complementary or alternative approach during the previous year, including medicinal herbs, nutritional supplements and prayer.

Women reporting more menopausal symptoms were also more likely to use complementary approaches. The study didn’t establish whether those remedies worked, but it did show how many women were looking beyond conventional approaches to manage their symptoms. I found myself wondering whether that search for relief is something women across cultures have in common. When you’re exhausted, uncomfortable or struggling with symptoms that affect your everyday life, it’s understandable that you might start looking for other answers.

A second Iranian review published in 2022 was also relevant to my interest in sleep. It examined nine clinical trials involving medicinal plants and sleep disturbances in postmenopausal women, including studies of valerian, lemon balm, chamomile and lavender. Some of the trials reported improvements in sleep quality, although the evidence was limited and the findings don’t establish that herbal remedies reliably treat insomnia during perimenopause.

There’s also an important difference between drinking a cup of chamomile tea and taking a concentrated herbal preparation used in a clinical trial. The studies involved postmenopausal women, so their findings can’t automatically be applied to women at an earlier stage of the menopause transition.

Still, I find the research interesting. Chamomile has been part of my own evening routine, and valerian is something I’ve considered trying. I’m curious about the relationship between traditional practices and modern medicine, particularly where there’s enough evidence to justify further investigation.

What I wouldn’t do is treat herbal products as a replacement for prescribed medication or HRT. Natural products can have side effects and interact with medicines, and I think women deserve proper information rather than another promise that something from the kitchen cupboard will solve everything.

Another perspective I’ve found interesting comes from Next Level: Your Guide to Kicking Ass, Feeling Great, and Crushing Goals Through Menopause and Beyond by exercise physiologist Dr Stacy T. Sims and writer Selene Yeager.

Published in 2022, the book explores how hormonal changes affect active women and why training, nutrition and recovery may need to change as we move through perimenopause and menopause. As somebody who loves the gym, that interests me enormously. I’ve always enjoyed exercise, whether it’s Zumba, a challenging fitness class or something that leaves me feeling as though I’ve worked hard.

But I’ve also experienced the difference between exercising after a decent night’s sleep and trying to summon the energy for a workout when I’ve been awake for hours. The book made me think more carefully about recovery. I’ve spent years paying attention to how often I exercise and how hard I work, but perhaps I haven’t always given the same consideration to rest.

That doesn’t mean I intend to abandon the gym whenever I’ve had a bad night. Exercise is important to me, and I know how much better I often feel after a class. But I am interested in whether adjusting the timing or intensity of my workouts, particularly when I’m exhausted, might make a difference to how I feel.

There isn’t a single exercise routine that guarantees better sleep during menopause, and the book isn’t a cure for insomnia. What it offers is a useful reminder that our bodies change and that recovery deserves attention alongside fitness.

For me, that’s another area worth exploring through The Saffron Experiment.

Of all the products I’ve tried, one that I’ve personally found helpful is BetterYou Magnesium Max Original Magnesium Triple Blend Powder Drink Mix.

There’s no specific bedtime ritual or complicated preparation involved. It’s just a magnesium powder that can be mixed into a drink, and it’s become something I associate with my evening routine. The product contains three forms of magnesium: magnesium glycinate, also described as magnesium bisglycinate, magnesium citrate and magnesium malate. Together, they provide 375 mg of elemental magnesium in the manufacturer’s recommended 2 g serving.

Magnesium contributes to normal muscle and nervous system function, supports normal energy-yielding metabolism and helps reduce tiredness and fatigue. Those are established nutritional functions, although they don’t mean that taking additional magnesium will necessarily improve sleep.

I find magnesium interesting partly because I’m so active. Between the gym, Zumba and other fitness classes, normal muscle function matters to me. But it’s also something I’ve paid attention to because of those evenings when my legs seem reluctant to settle.

The manufacturer’s instructions are straightforward: mix half a teaspoon, approximately 2 g, into 250 ml of water or another drink. It can also be added to juice, smoothies or protein shakes, although I can’t imagine wanting to make a smoothie just before going to bed. I prefer to include it in my evening routine because it’s easy to remember and fits naturally into the time when I’m winding down.

There is a reason magnesium often appears in conversations about sleep. It’s involved in normal nerve and muscle function, and researchers have investigated whether supplementation might help some people sleep better. However, evidence for magnesium supplements as a treatment for insomnia remains limited. There’s also no convincing evidence that taking magnesium immediately before bedtime works better than taking it at another time of day.

So why do I take it in the evening? Mainly because it suits me. It’s become part of my routine, and I’ve found the product helpful. I can’t say whether the benefit comes directly from the magnesium, my overall intake or other changes I’ve made. And I wouldn’t claim that it cures restless legs.

What I like about BetterYou Magnesium Max is it’s unflavoured, doesn’t take much preparation and provides a clearly stated amount of magnesium. I don’t have to remember to take several different tablets or add another complicated step to my day.

There is an important consideration, though. At 375 mg per serving, this is a substantial amount of supplemental magnesium. The NHS advises that taking more than 400 mg of magnesium from supplements for a short period can cause diarrhoea, while the effects of taking high doses over longer periods are less certain.

That means checking the label, considering any other supplements you’re taking and seeking professional advice where appropriate, particularly if you have kidney problems or take medication that could interact with magnesium. For me, it’s one of the products that has earned a mention in The Saffron Experiment because my experience has been positive. That doesn’t mean it’ll work for everybody, and I wouldn’t want another woman spending money on it believing she’s guaranteed a good night’s sleep.

But after trying so many things that haven’t made much difference, it’s encouraging to find something I feel has helped.

The more I look into sleep during perimenopause, the more convinced I am that there isn’t one answer for every woman. The Iranian research has made me curious about traditional remedies and how women seek relief. Stacy Sims’ book has encouraged me to think more carefully about exercise and recovery. And my experience with magnesium has reminded me that finding something helpful doesn’t necessarily mean finding a cure.

I’m still interested in trying products that aim to make sleep more comfortable, whether that’s cooling bedding, mattress toppers, pillows, herbal teas or something completely different. I’m also happy to hear suggestions from readers and brands about products that might be worth investigating through The Saffron Experiment. I’ll consider the available evidence, share my own experience and be clear about anything I’ve been sent to review.

Any gifted products or commercial collaborations will be disclosed, and receiving something won’t guarantee a positive review. I’d rather explain why something disappointed me than recommend it simply because it arrived in the post. I don’t expect every experiment to work. In fact, I’m fairly certain some won’t. That’s part of the reason I want to keep doing them.

What interests me is whether small, practical changes can make life a little easier for women who are tired of being told to sleep better without anybody explaining how they’re supposed to achieve it. So I’d love to hear from you. Have you tried magnesium, a traditional remedy, a sleep product or a change to your exercise routine that genuinely made a difference? Is there something you’d like me to put through The Saffron Experiment?

Tell me what worked, what didn’t and what you’d like me to investigate next. I suspect there are plenty of us comparing notes after another less-than-perfect night’s sleep. And if you’re lying awake at 3am, wondering why you can’t seem to get this sleeping business right, remember something.

This article shares personal experiences and discusses published research. It is not medical advice. Persistent sleep disturbance, troublesome night sweats or restless legs should be discussed with a qualified healthcare professional. Magnesium supplements and herbal products may interact with medicines and are not substitutes for prescribed treatment.

Product disclosure: BetterYou Magnesium Max was not gifted. My comments reflect my own experience with the product.

Occasional stories, experiments, discoveries and questions from Saffron & Cyrus.