Miscarriage story: A 41-year-old mum shares her raw experience and hospital journey

Quiet heartbreak

It’s the kind of story that doesn’t often get told in polite conversation. A miscarriage at 41, a second unplanned pregnancy, the whirlwind of hope and fear, and the quiet heartbreak that follows. Our contributor, who wishes to remain anonymous, shares her experience from the North East, honest, raw, and unflinchingly real. There’s grief here, but also a courage that deserves to be heard.

A gut feeling I couldn’t ignore

“I was eight weeks pregnant and had a gut instinct something was wrong. My pregnancy symptoms were few and far between, and now I feel numb, emotional, sad, and raw.”

Flurry of emotions at unexpected news

She discovered her pregnancy on New Year’s Eve. “I just knew I was pregnant, so the test didn’t shock me, but it unleashed a flurry of emotions. This was going to be my second baby, and it wasn’t planned. As it turned out, it became the worst New Year I’ve ever had. My partner didn’t want a second baby at this time. He was stressed about our finances. I spent the evening watching TV alone, sad, unsure, and unable even to drink to dull the disappointment.”

Under pressure financially and emotionally

“We’d overspent at Christmas, credit card bills were stacking up, and I’d been made redundant just before Christmas. I felt ashamed to tell anyone I was pregnant, our friends assumed marriage was the next step, not another baby. Financially and emotionally, I was stretched beyond my limits.”

A very faint positive

After a few days, she and her partner had a proper conversation. “He warmed to the idea, but our circumstances made me feel uncertain. I wasn’t taking vitamins, hadn’t been exercising properly, and we hadn’t been trying. The home pregnancy test showed a very faint positive. Waiting for a GP appointment felt like an eternity, but my doctor was reassuring. She didn’t comment on my age and promised to support me no matter what.”

The first appointment and the waiting game

Cramping started, and anxiety quickly mounted. “A private scan and midwife appointment hadn’t even happened yet. I tried to stay positive, but my instincts were grim. Then the bleeding started, first pink, then heavier. I delayed hospital visits, hoping it might settle. Last night it seemed fine, but this morning the cramps returned fiercely.”

Worst fears realised

At the hospital, the reality hit hard. “We circled the car park, frantic, before finally finding a space. The triage nurse was compassionate and explained gently that pregnancy tissue had passed. I agreed to the doctor’s examination. The young doctor spoke warmly, explaining each step. My cervix was closing, most of the tissue had likely passed. I was given guidance, counselling contacts, and reassurance I could return if needed.”

“I feel numb, part of me relieved, part guilty for feeling that way. I wanted to share this to support others who’ve experienced miscarriage. Will we try again? Perhaps, one day.”

Understanding the process

She learned that unless three miscarriages occur in a row, hospitals don’t usually test to find the cause. “I was asked if I wanted the tissue cremated or taken home. I was numb and asked them to keep it. I didn’t know what the right answer was.”

Relief and guilt

“My partner and I left with leaflets and helpline numbers. I feel numb, part of me relieved, part guilty for feeling that way. Writing this down and sharing it is my way of supporting others who have been through similar experiences.”