How to get better sleep during perimenopause

Sleep. Remember it? Yeah, me neither. Perimenopause has a way of turning your bedroom into a no-go zone: night sweats that make me feel like I’ve slept in the sauna at David Lloyd, restless legs that tap out their own Morse code, and a brain that insists 3am is prime time for every anxious memory you’ve had during the day.

And yet, society keeps telling us sleep is “just a routine” because tossing and turning while your hormones do gymnastics is completely normal.

What losing sleep actually feels like

I’ve learned that a bad night doesn’t just make you groggy, it makes everything feel like wading through treacle. Making breakfast for Cyrus is now a Herculean task. Replying to an email at 3pm and I might as well be translating ancient Greek without some Squashies to hand. I’ve tried the usual tricks: earlier bedtimes, no caffeine, a bath, a glass of milk, magnesium glycinate and meditation apps. They help, a bit. But sometimes nothing helps if you’ve had a rubbish day.

Night sweats are horrible. There I am, drenched, wondering if anyone actually invented a glamorous way to deal with being a sweaty mess at 2 am. Then the restless legs usually kick in just when I’m ready to collapse into bed. Moving them doesn’t help. Not moving them is worse.

How I cope without losing my mind

After countless sleepless nights, I’ve cobbled together a few strategies that keep me from losing all hope:

• A fan is your friend: Keeping the bedroom cool is essential. I swear by a cheap oscillating fan, it’s basic, but lifesaving.
• Stretch like you mean it: A few leg stretches before bed and a bit of late-afternoon exercise can calm restless legs.
• Tea time: Herbal tea, deep breathing, or even just lying still pretending I’m meditating helps signal to my body that it’s supposed to sleep.
• Herbal helpers: Chamomile, valerian, Pukka Night Time Berry Tea, sometimes they work wonders, sometimes it’s placebo. But I cling to the hope.

“Not perfect, but these little things make the night feel less like a horror show.”

Lessons I’ve learned about sleep in midlife

• Stop fighting it: If sleep won’t come, quit staring at the ceiling. Read a book, sip tea, scroll mindlessly. Stressing about it only makes it worse.
• Move, even a little: Exercise isn’t about looking good in leggings, it actually tricks your body into thinking it’s allowed to relax later.
• Rituals matter: A warm bath, a glass of saffron tea, or a smoothie that doesn’t taste like chalk.
• Talk about it: Share your sleep horror stories. There’s comfort in knowing others are wide-eyed in the dark too.

Perimenopause teaches patience, creativity, and the art of improvisation. Some nights will be brutal, others almost normal. It’s about finding your own weird little routines and clinging to them like life rafts.

“Sweet dreams or Khābhā-ye shirīn, as H’s Persian grandmother would say. And if that fails, there’s always the fan and a cold glass of water.”