We’re saving for retirement, but what if we never live to enjoy it?

When I was younger, retirement sounded lovely. Finish work, collect a pension, take up gardening and enjoy holidays without checking the annual leave allowance. These days, H and I are more concerned about affording a replacement oven. At 51, retirement is not a distant event involving an elderly version of myself wearing sensible shoes. It’s an every day topic of conversation, alongside the mortgage, Cyrus’s school fees, the price of diesel, and whatever has broken in the house.

And I’ll admit something. Retirement scares the living daylights out of us. We both love working, but neither of us has a clear plan for how we’ll afford to stop. So when I read research suggesting UK adults believe they need £42,456 a year after tax to retire comfortably, I wondered where the hell that money was supposed to come from.

Between the mortgage, school fees and everyday family expenses, preparing for retirement is an increasingly expensive ambition.

I had Cyrus at 40. When he turns 18, I’ll be approaching 60, potentially helping him through further education while preparing for retirement. We have private school fees, a mortgage and H’s student loan. Then there are our gym memberships, which are essential for our physical and mental wellbeing, although the direct debits suggest otherwise.

Recently, the roof needed repairing, the oven broke and the car needed new brake pads. None of these expenses was welcome, but swearing under our breath in Farsi and ignoring them wasn’t an option. Cyrus, meanwhile, believes our financial difficulties can be solved by just working more hours. That way, we’ll still be able to afford the £30 inflatable dinosaur costume he’s demanding for Halloween. Apparently, all his friends are getting one. Financial planning is very straightforward when you’re ten.

I recently discovered I’d spent approximately £500 on coffee at the gym over a year. Five hundred pounds. On coffee. That’s around £42 a month, which sounds harmless until you multiply it by 12. Of course, somebody will suggest putting that money into a pension instead. Sensible advice, but I enjoy sitting down with a coffee after exercising. It’s often the only quiet moment I get between work and family responsibilities. Could I spend less? Absolutely. I’ve started taking a flask, although I resent how financially responsible that makes me feel.

Research conducted by YouGov for wealth management firm Mattioli Woods found that UK adults believe they need an average after-tax household income of £42,456 annually, or £3,538 monthly, to retire comfortably. Younger adults aged 18 to 24 estimated £55,272, compared with £36,252 among those aged 55 and over.

There were regional differences, too. Londoners expected to need £53,292 annually, while respondents in the North East estimated £32,232. Living in Newcastle, I appreciate that housing can cost less than in London. Unfortunately, supermarkets don’t offer regional discounts, and heating bills aren’t sympathetic to our postcode. These figures reflect people’s expectations, not recommended retirement income targets. What feels comfortable depends on individual circumstances, whether the mortgage has disappeared and the children have stopped needing financial assistance. I suspect our roof will still find ways to demand money when we’re 70.

The survey found that 33% of respondents worried about losing income or becoming unable to work, while 39% were concerned about unexpected health or long-term care costs. Those figures resonate with me. Perimenopause has made me very conscious that good health isn’t guaranteed. I love exercising and intend to remain active, but there’s no certainty that either of us will be physically capable of working indefinitely.

And there’s an important distinction between choosing to continue working because you like it and having no choice because your pension won’t cover the bills. For women who’ve taken career breaks to raise children, retirement planning can be really complicated.

This is the thought that troubles me most. What if we spend another 15 years saving, postponing holidays and scrutinising every expense, only for illness or circumstances to prevent us enjoying retirement? I don’t want H and me struggling financially in old age. Equally, I don’t want Cyrus remembering his childhood as a load of things we couldn’t afford because Mum and Dad were saving for their pensions.

Amit Joshi, managing director of wealth at Mattioli Woods, says there is no universal retirement income target. Individual circumstances, commitments and expectations all matter. So maybe we should start by examining our pensions properly rather than treating retirement as something we’ll sort out eventually. MoneyHelper offers free guidance, while the government’s State Pension forecast service can help establish what we might receive.

I still haven’t worked out the perfect balance. We’ll continue working, saving what we can and enjoying family life without feeling guilty about every purchase. The coffee flask is staying, though. And that remote desert island occasionally sounds tempting. No mortgage, school fees or brake pads. Just H, Cyrus and me, living off coconuts. Although knowing my luck, we’d discover the island had a gym with an expensive coffee shop.

Research note: Figures are drawn from a YouGov survey of 2,078 UK adults conducted on 2–3 September 2026 for Mattioli Woods. Income estimates refer to expected after-tax household retirement income, not recommended savings targets.

Editorial disclosure: This independent commentary draws on research supplied by Mattioli Woods and does not constitute personalised financial advice.

Occasional stories, experiments, discoveries and questions from Saffron & Cyrus.