What turning 50 in Crete actually felt like

Some holidays are about seeing things. Others are about doing much less. Our nine-day stay at Mitsis Royal Mare in Crete was a family holiday, my 50th birthday and, as it turned out, a chance to discover that reaching a milestone age feels quite ordinary when you’re actually living it. There was also a lot of moussaka … and Champagne.

There are probably more sophisticated ways to begin your 50th-birthday holiday than arriving at a hotel at 3am while your child invents suitcase skating. This was ours.

By the time we reached the hotel, my body had no idea whether it wanted sleep, food or just somewhere to sit down. Travelling with Jet2 Holidays had been smooth, and the airport transfer uneventful. The grown-ups were wilting. Cyrus was apparently just getting started.

He spotted the marble floor, looked at his wheeled suitcase and saw an opportunity. Within seconds, he had invented suitcase skating. Telling him to stop merely made him go faster.

Then came the first surprise, the restaurant buffet was still open. Usually at that hour you’re grateful if somebody has left a cold platter in your room. Here there was hot moussaka, rice and vegetables. So at 3am, when sensible people were asleep, we sat down and ate dinner. We were exhausted, hungry and slightly delirious. It was wonderful.

Mitsis Royal Mare is a large resort, but our room felt calm and spacious, with a balcony framed by palm trees. There was some fairly generic hotel artwork, but I wasn’t there to critique the pictures. Mornings began with coffee on the balcony and a discussion about where we were going to eat.

And this is where I finally understood the appeal of all-inclusive. It wasn’t really the unlimited drinks or the stocked minibar or just not having to organise everything.

There was no searching for a restaurant all three of us liked. No studying menus to work out whether Cyrus would eat anything. No checking prices every time somebody wanted another drink. You unpacked, decided whether you wanted the beach or the pool and ate when you were hungry.

For someone who spends much of normal life thinking about what needs doing next, I appreciated that more than I expected. I also poured Champagne before breakfast, and possibly a second glass before 10am. It was my birthday holiday. I stand by the decision.

One thing I particularly liked was the beach. During our stay, the attendant made sure people found loungers and umbrellas, particularly families. There was none of that peculiar holiday rush where people appear at dawn, put a towel on a sunbed and then disappear for six hours.

Cyrus couldn’t have cared less about any of this because he had the waves. He also had a gull who became very interested in his hotdog. Cyrus offered it some bread. Nothing. Then it spotted the sausage and it was gone in one snap. By day three, the pair seemed to have developed some sort of arrangement.

Cyrus loves cats, and Royal Mare had plenty of them. H repeatedly told him not to touch them. Cyrus repeatedly ignored him. One spent an afternoon asleep on a sun lounger as though it had booked the room next door.

The hotel shop sold little bags of cat food, which meant the cats quickly became part of Cyrus’s holiday routine. The best encounter belonged to H. At 2am, he opened the balcony door and found a cat sitting there looking perfectly at home. H was less relaxed about this than the cat. I suspect people in Heraklion heard him.

I don’t think a useful hotel review should pretend every meal was wonderful when it wasn’t. The food at Royal Mare was mixed. Some of it was excellent and some of it wasn’t.

The Royal Palm Pan-Asian restaurant had ants on the table and crispy duck that was much more chewy than crisp. Then a nearby table of enthusiastic Geordies began what sounded like ouzo-fuelled karaoke. As a fellow North Easterner, I recognised the atmosphere immediately. Unfortunately, Bigg Market wasn’t quite the vibe we’d been hoping for that evening.

Allegro Italian was better. The arancini and tiramisu were good, although Cyrus’s pizza was more school-holiday tea than Italian revelation. Candia was the standout for us, with beautifully presented octopus and tuna steaks.

Albatross, down by the beach, also served excellent calamari. The bread was less impressive. By the time we thought about trying Pacifico, we’d eaten so much during the week that none of us could summon much enthusiasm for another restaurant booking.

The main buffet, however, was consistently good. There was plenty of choice, lots of Greek food and enough variety that we didn’t get bored. I became particularly fond of the creamy moussaka. I did occasionally hear that familiar voice telling me I’d already eaten enough, then I had some more moussaka.

There is a gym, spa and indoor pool at Royal Mare, plus daily aqua aerobics. Naturally, I tried them. I like exercising on holiday, and that’s not because I think I have to burn off whatever I’ve eaten, but because exercise is part of my life and I miss it when I don’t do it. That distinction has taken me a while to learn.

There was a time when holiday food and exercise existed in a slightly miserable transaction. Eat more. Feel guilty. Exercise more.

At 50, I have much less patience for that. I strength train because I like being strong. I exercise because it makes me feel better, and I did aqua aerobics because jumping around in a swimming pool to music is fun. I even caught myself flexing in the mirror after a gym session. Then I went back to my sun lounger. Both felt good.

There was plenty happening in the evenings: live music, shows and themed entertainment. Some of it was clearly very popular, but some of it wasn’t really our thing. A few of the poolside performances were louder than we wanted after dinner, and our appetite for “high energy” had usually disappeared somewhere around dessert. So we sometimes watched from further away with an Aperol Spritz. That suited us perfectly well. A hotel doesn’t have to get every detail exactly right for me to like it. It’s enough to know which bits are yours.

Yes, but not because it was flawless.

The à la carte restaurants were inconsistent. Some of the entertainment wasn’t to our taste and I remain unconvinced by that crispy duck. But the things that mattered worked.

The staff were warm, our room was comfortable. The beach was easy. The main buffet was reliable. Cyrus had plenty to do. I could exercise when I wanted to, lie on a sun lounger when I didn’t and, for nine days, none of us had to think very hard about what came next. That’s what I wanted from this holiday more than anything.

I wasn’t seeking transformation, just a break and a chance to turn 50 with the two people I wanted beside me.

Looking back, I don’t think I’ll remember the birthday because I suddenly discovered the secret to ageing well. I’ll remember Cyrus suitcase skating at 3am, that gull stealing his sausage, H and the balcony cat and Champagne before breakfast and going back for more moussaka.

I’ll remember that 50, when it finally arrived, wasn’t nearly as frightening as the number had looked from the other side.

Want to stay at Mitsis Royal Mare? You can find out more about the resort
here.

Best for

Families, couples and midlife travellers who want an easy all-inclusive holiday with plenty happening on site.

What I loved

• Warm, attentive staff
• The beach and well-managed loungers
• A spacious, comfortable room
• The main buffet
• Candia and Albatross
• Aqua aerobics and the gym
• The cats, according to Cyrus

What I’d change

The à la carte restaurants were inconsistent, and some of the evening entertainment was louder than we wanted. I also have no desire to meet that crispy duck again.

Who might not love it

If you want a small boutique hotel, complete seclusion or sophisticated nightlife, Royal Mare probably isn’t the obvious choice. This is a large resort with plenty going on.

Would I return?

Yes.

Not because Mitsis Royal Mare was perfect, but because it made our holiday easy. And at 50, I’ve discovered I rather value easy.